The two most important events in all of history

Nov 21, 2018 10:00 PM - 435 Views

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The two most important events in all of history were the invention of

beer and the invention of the wheel.

Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while
our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These
two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known
as the Conservative movement. Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which
was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live off the
Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the
sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men "evolved" into women. Others became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and
the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern Liberals like special flavored beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine spritzers or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:
many liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, film makers in Hollywood, (e.g. Leonardo DiCaprio),
group therapists and community organizers are liberals. Liberals
meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter
rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game
hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives,
athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of
trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true
believers and to just piss-off more liberals. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self, I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks! Right after I forward
this message.
Willie Moore

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